Carol's story: I'm finally free after living in the shadow of alcohol
"In the end it came with an acceptance that I could not control my drinking, it would always control me"
My journey to sobriety was not linear or easy by any stretch of the imagination. Looking back, I always knew I drank a little bit different to other people. I have always been an all or nothing person and I was also mad about fitness, wellness and a wholesome life. Children, some personal tragedies and life in general meant that the balance got tipped and those things that kept me balanced stopped, until eventually I felt broken. It started with a want and need to change, however, the more I tried to address my relationship with alcohol, the worse things seemed to get. In the end it came with an acceptance that I could not control my drinking, it would always control me. I am now 24 months sober with some "research" moments BUT 12 months clean and sober without a drop. I feel like I should make the distinction because in essence those research moments were what made me realise I would never be able to moderate. A saying which encapsulates this period is: 1 drink is too many and a 1000 never enough. Now I am "free", looking back, I realise how limiting alcohol was on my life. I was never going to live life to my full potential, or live the authentic life I so desired. Life is full of wonderful possibilities and I know I can face anything if I stay sober and true to myself. After years of being in its shadow I finally feel free and excited about the future. Alcohol blocks out the pain, but it also blocks out the light.
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The picture on the left was taken in February 2021. I was suffering from Rosacea acne here, my skin's way of telling me I was poisoning myself. I had stopped eating certain foods, had expensive skin treatment, looking for a cause other than the one that was staring me in the face. Alcohol was doing this to me but I could not see it or accept it. This I finally could not go on any longer in October of that year and I sought professional help. So even though I am puffy, overweight and with bad skin I would go on suffering for another 8 months.
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